This crazy world and time passing in rapid fire, like the bullets of mass tragedies surrounding us daily, can really do a job on our minds.

Without even knowing, I crawled into a hole in fetal position, hoping all this madness would just disappear. But it wouldn’t, and may not ever in my lifetime.

I really thought that despite the madness, I was ok, but I wasn’t, and I’m still not. I just transitioned to another state – the state of “Denial.” Being there has fixed nothing… Not the world, not my mental state, not my understanding of how we got here, and not this place of unforgiveness in which I find myself.

I got tired of asking myself, “What in the world can I do?!” and “When will this ugliness come knocking at my door?” Without recognizing my withdrawal, I really had become very depressed. The signs were right in front of me – isolation, not sleeping well, disagreements with ones closest to me, usually over stupid shit that really made no sense.

But, by simply recognizing that I’d taken this unplanned trip to “Denial” was help in itself. It was like waking from a bad dream, although it still remained very real. Bad things are not going to just disappear. So, facing it head on or talking to someone about it, whatever works is a first step. As for me, just writing about it is a soothing balm to my wounded soul. We each must find ways to handle the pain, sadness, and confusion of these most difficult times.

The words of The Serenity Prayer say it all:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Amen!